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Living with Autism


September 22, 2012

Sociopaths who Prey on Autistic Population: Hardest Type to Catch

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What Parents of Autistic Children and Adults Should Know about Dangerous Caregivers

  1. Stealth abuse is the most dangerous kind of abuse. It's not the kind of abuse that happens when someone has a meltdown for multiple reasons, and strikes out one time. We're talking about abuse that is done by stealth abusers, who, by their nature, are often SOCIOPATHS. These types are attracted to positions of power, positions where their victims are isolated and vulnerable and positions where they can hide in groups. 

  1. Stealth abuse is furtive, secret and imperceptible (unless you catch it on video surveillance)

  1. Stealth abusers operate under color of authority and often masquerade as caring, professionals, “here to help.”

  1. Stealth abusers are masters at manipulating people in real time, but aren’t as savvy when they’re alone, and nobody is around (another reason video surveillance that records helps detect their covert abuse)

  1. Stealth abusers often enlist family members (usually younger vulnerable ones who easily brainwashed) to defend their actions, at all costs, since they’ve worked on these family members using different forms of abuse, for instance, financial control, blackmail or unwarranted shame and humiliation tactics (warranted VS unwarranted, as in difference between media shaming child abusers vs. an abusive father shaving his son’s head because he didn’t take out the garbage)

  1. Stealth abusers study the victim to learn how to cover the abuse done (for instance, a stealth abuser caring for an Alzheimer’s patient may say she’s ‘lost her mind’ if she claims she’s being abused)

  1. Stealth abusers passively aggressively retaliate against victims and their families if they attempt to expose abuse or have exposed abuse (i.e...making anonymous calls to various agencies accusing the victim or victim’s family of wrongdoing, slashing tires, spiking food, poisoning animals or breaking appliances)

  1. Stealth abusers often have clear backgrounds (they’ve never been convicted of a felony, and if charged they are always, in their minds, innocent). Or, they've been convicted of some type of abuse, but it was later changed to a lesser charge. 

  1. Stealth abusers are often people who infiltrate your lives while they hold high positions of power, or possess professional training skills

  1. Stealth abusers like to shift the blame (i.e...blaming victim or victim’s family for abuse)

  1. Stealth abusers learn how to work every vulnerable spot of the victim’s life, for instance a self injurious autistic client/patient is easy prey, because, in the absence of video surveillance, injuries can be blamed on self-abuse.

  1. Stealth abusers can make victims and families feel crazy for suspecting abuse. Often times, stealth abusers are sociopaths. They know what they're doing is wrong. And they don't give a damn. No remorse.  

Would hiring a private investigator uncover these monsters? Not likely. Why? Because the abuse is ambient, furtive and imperceptible to even trained eyes

One has to understand the world these types of abusers live in, and how they operate.

Unless the stealth abuser is in direct contact with the victim, it is impossible to catch the abuse. Stealth abusers aren’t going around telling people they abuse their victims. In fact, they do the OPPOSITE. They tell everyone how they're trying to "help" the person. Some abusers (usually psychopaths or teens with serious mental issues) will post their abuse, but not the adult stealth abuser.

No, this guy or gal saves his abuse for seconds he thinks nobody is looking.

And as if you're watching a split screen, this person can switch back and forth into the wonderful helpful intelligent person they want you to think they are, back to the monster they really are.

They are also experts at accusing others of what they do. Eventually, they are discovered to be frauds and live with an underlying fear of utter impotence, because deep down inside they hate themselves and want to destroy others.

They are truly damaged people. Almost none of them seek help to repair their dark souls, because, in their minds, there is nothing wrong with them, it's always someone else. That's how they justify their abuse. Victim blaming. Or they act "offended" and "feel accused" when you accuse them of something you have direct evidence of. 

Hence, the only way you catch this TYPE of abuser is by VIDEO surveillance. 

Families raising vulnerable autistic children and adults must realize how important it is to get video in rooms where caregivers are watching your autistic child. Good caregivers don’t mind being watched. A stealth abuser despises being watched and thinks he can avoid detection or is somehow able to beat the odds of being caught on video. Eventually, however, as time ticks, the stealth abuser, because he is a monster, will no longer care if he’s watched and will create the illusion in his mind that he can do whatever he wants and not be caught.

Do not hesitate to install video surveillance in your home if you feel your autistic child is being abused, especially if the child is non-verbal.

If your child is in a group home, don’t bother to ask for video surveillance as the State of California claims it’s a violation of the disabled person’s “civil rights” to have a camera in a state run and funded home or institution. Go figure.

Autism advocates are fighting this. Indeed, those who have autistic children or siblings or friends who have been killed within a state funded group home or institution, are demanding, through legislative action, video surveillance. I think it’s a great pro-active and acute protection.

After all, my autistic son would still be being victimized by stealth abusers if we didn’t put in video surveillance. It’s the only effective way to capture the sick reality of stealth abuse.

What more can be done to protect vulnerable autistic people in our society?

For starters, state agencies such as California Regional Centers should step up and take a more active role in providing safe supports and resources for families who need nursing or behavioral respite care. Simply sending a family a list of caregivers doesn’t cut it. Nor does referring a family to a nursing agency, especially when the agency they are referred to, repeatedly says they have no nurses.

In light of what has happened to my autistic son, will society simply be temporarily outraged and saddened by my son’s story? Will people make drive by comments and then go back to their lives? Will professionals express outrage, but then go back to their cubicles, seminars and symposiums and take no corrective action to ensure no family receiving respite care must be burdened with the sole responsibility for ensuring caregivers are kind, compassionate and qualified individuals matched to the individual needs of a client, consumer or patient?

What exactly is San Diego Regional Center doing? What is Adult Protective Services (APS) doing? APS is a good agency, but these places are reactive agencies. They don't have any power to prevent abuse. Or gather evidence.

APS waltzes in when there’s a bruise, has no medial, behavioral or autism expertise or knowledge of the complex, fragmented funding system serving disabled, writes a report and splits. They are in no position to set up, monitor or advocate for video surveillance in group homes or other facilities that are caring for vulnerable adults. 

In essence, these are agencies that aren’t going to detect or discern stealth abuse by no fault of their own, they simply aren't given the power to do it. 

Sadly, this vigilant gathering of evidence will fall on parents or vendors of facilities caring for vulnerable disabled adults or elderly. It seems we have no choice. Should it remain that way?

Why aren't their LAWS demanding that video surveillance be in every residential care facility receiving state and/or federal funds? 

You could be creative in the monitoring. You could have people with OCD monitoring the surveillance. Or insomniacs. And people with Aspergers love this stuff.  Nobody would monitor surveillance better than a person with OCD/Aspergers.  These are the people that when they take an MMPI and answer yes to they see things others don't...they aren't crazy. They have excellent observations skills. Sounds funny, but it's true. 

If state agencies charged with duty to provide supports and services to autistic individuals truly care about autism community, they will do more to help effect change, instead of asking the same old questions, calling for more meetings, writing more reports and then trudging back to their offices and doing the same old nothing.


How change will happen will depend upon the soft hearts and sharp minds of caring individuals inside California Regional Centers and other agencies funding services and supports for families of autistic children and adults.

We’re beyond the autism awareness factor now. We know. Now it is time to act.

State funded agencies must offer families of autistic children and adults a richer and more diverse pool of highly screened respite care professionals who can help support our children in the home, and if needed, in a group home. No more excuses. Let’s work together to protect all autistic individuals in our community.

Kim Oakley, Mother of Jamey


Bradley Mitchell, PhD, MS, PHR, CHt said...

Good morning. My name is Brad Mitchell, and I am a professor of psychology and Behavior Consultant in northern Indiana. In late October of 2012, I will be doing a presentation on functional analysis, treatment and interventions of SIB to the IN-ABC (Indiana Association of Behavior Consultants). The videos on your YouTube site are some of the most gripping and powerful examples I have found, and I would like to obtain your permission to use some of them in my presentation. All credit would be given in the presentation, and I would also give your YouTube and blog site out in my handouts to direct the group to you.

Your approval and assistance would be greatly appreciated!

Brad Mitchell

Anonymous said...

Ole Craig is probably looking pretty good right now. After all, he only helped himself to a cup of coffee and a cupcake.

Kim Oakley said...

Anonymous: you are correct. Craig does look better, but you must have forget the part where Craig left my son in the bath tub alone and went to dumb trash and the fact he left him alone while he used our TV to play video games that he brought without our permission. Neglect is sometimes more difficult to prosecute, but it's still abuse in the sense Ole Craig wasn't providing the care and protection a nurse assigned to Jamey knows they must provide.

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